Bike Path 101 - This Advice is not Cheap

I use our local bike path for 'off' days, recovery rides and shorter rides with the BWE. I am sure you may have one in your town or city. Ours has gotten busier and busier each year, which is a good thing, since Ohio is one of America's most overweight states. More and more new bike owners, new runners, in-line skaters, and newly inspired 'Biggest Looser' fitness people all out enjoying only the nicest days outside. Funny I never saw any of these same people out in February when it was 35 degrees and snow covered. On my short hour ride last night on the path, I started making a short list of bike path observations and things I would do for people if I could.
I guess a wish list of sorts. Maybe I could set up a booth on the side of the path, stand on the side of the path, charge a small fee for each improvement, then tell them what has gone all wrong in their haste to get outside.

1. Oil your chain, please it's so annoying.
2. Get a bicycle Fit
3. your seat is TOO high
4. your seat is TOO low
5. that bike does not fit you at all

1. That seat is too high, you are going to saw yourself in half, gross.
2. That bike is a POS (piece of shit), please stop riding it now, it's making me tired just watching you pedal.
3. Hey buddy your front skewer is about to come loose.
4. Guys and Gals, the rule is, NEVER wear underwear with bike shorts, EVER!
5. Folks, pump up your bike tires, every time, EVERY time before you go ride your bike.
6. Please please stop running in cotton clothing, it doesn't dry, breathe or rub you in the right way, ever. Would Usain Bolt ever run in a t-shirt?
7.  Runners, cyclists, walkers, in-line skaters, please don't suddenly decide you are going to stop moving and make a u-turn, I will PLOW you down like a farmer harvesting corn.
8. Everyone on a bike - please carry a spare, tube, pump and tools.
9. Hey YOU! Turn your headphones down to a reasonable level, so you can hear when someone says, "on your left"
10. Do not walk your dog with the leash all the way out on the path.
11. Put your dog on a leash and walk them off of the path.
12. Put your kids on a leash or walk them off of the path.
13. Time Trial Triathlete guy, slow down below 20 mph and get off your TT bars. If you want to ride that fast, go out to the road. You are not David Millar. This path is not, ever ever the place to ride in full TT mode.
14. Guy riding in the PRO Team Capo, Pro Team kit, slow down, you are not Tom Boonen and take that kit back to the store, you do not ride for them and you're not that fast.
15. Family of 4 out tooling on your new wally mart bikes, go to a local bike shop, buy new bikes and buy some helmets, your kids and medical insurance company will thank you. 
16. Parents, please use someplace else to teach your under 9 year old kids to ride, this path is too busy and too dangerous.
17. Punk kids on BMX bikes, I know you think you own the world, but you don't. Please respect those around you, ride single file please to where ever you are headed. 
18. Ladies, I know you want to look good on the path, but please refrain from crop dusting yourself with stinky perfume before hitting the path, you may think it smells great, it doesn't.
19. Hey MIT (Marathon In Training) runners, thank you for being courteous and not running 4 wide across the path - you are awesome!
20. Mullet man with the 1970's bike and bell, if you ring that bell one more time behind me, I am going to push you into the river.
21. Hot college girls, it's nice to see you catching up on gossip, but can you please catch up on the conversation OFF the bike path? 
22. Hot college girls, please try to text on your crackberry off the bike path.
23. College girls that think you are really hot, but your not, please go buy a larger size shirt and shorts, I don't want to see your cash and prizes hanging out in several areas at once.
24. Hipster fixie guy you are really not that cool, riding your fixie bike with those colored rims, carrying that manpurse (Murse), so get off the fucking phone and pedal your stupid bike.
25. How about it everyone, how about spreading the love and saying hello, hi, throw a smile out, wave, say thank you, do something nice for someone, pay it forward, life it too short to be unfriendly.